Rent a Rain Cloud

I am a human rain cloud. This is a proven fact.

Vacations, golf tournaments, road races, beach days, fundraisers and amusement park trips have all been ruined by rain because I was part of the plan. Even professional weather forecasters are left perplexed at the sudden weather pattern shifts that directly correlate to my days off.

One Halloween season when I was asked to volunteer a few weekends at an outdoor booth in downtown Salem to help raise money for charity, it pretty much rained non-stop. We are not talking about a light drizzle here, we are talking about a ‘hold onto your tent or it will blow away’ kind of rain which pretty much crushed Halloween tourism in Salem that year. Sorry about that.

And emails concerning plans for a recent weekend trip with friends to an all-girl half marathon went something like this: “Don’t forget your tutu! Don’t forget your tiara!” Me: “Don’t forget your rain gear, I just checked the weather.” Sigh.

In my quest to stay dry, I’ve traveled to notoriously sunny destinations like San Diego, Aruba and Los Angeles. And yes, it rained on all three trips. I have video verification in my You Tube video where I’m in front of the Hollywood sign, my soggy self singing “It never rains in California, unless Beth is on vacation. Then it pours… man it pours.” I even visited Arizona in the summer and signed up for mountain bike lessons as the instructor stopped to watch one ominous stray cloud roll past the sun in the middle of the desert and muttered “Wow, that never happens…” Sigh.

Even relative strangers have made the connection, as a vendor I’m doing business with at work called to say he was stuck in traffic- again-  and added “I swear every time I come to meet with you it rains.” You don’t say?

Rain or Shine is not just a playful euphemism for me- it’s the story of my life. They say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. But what do you make when you were handed a rain cloud? Then I have a sudden brain ‘storm’.  Maybe I can rent out my rain cloud self.

Woke up with bird poop all over your car? Are your flowers wilting? Do you need a reason to cancel that family cookout you’ve been dreading? Just let me know! Is your ex fiancé planning a beach wedding with the person s/he cheated on you with - I’m so there!  Looking for a no guilt way to get out of outdoor chores? I can help!

But why think small? Perhaps I could become a national treasure, sent on missions to aid draught ravaged countries around the world and bring water to communities who have none. Or maybe I could be deployed to remote forest fires where I can save homes and lives with my drippy determination.  Oh, the good I could do if I could channel my torrential talent on demand.

But it’s not all fun and games being a rain cloud, and although I try to make the best of it, I could use a rainbow right about now.

Sigh.