New Year Non-Resolutions

This year, I’m forgoing the traditional path of goal setting, and taking a new approach for my resolutions. Instead of compiling a list of things I will do, I am making a list of things I will absolutely, positively NOT to do in 2011.

This year, I will NOT blow past pedestrians in the crosswalk or beep my horn at the car in front of me one second after the light turns green. I will not zoom past school buses with their red lights flashing, pass on the right or cut someone off as they try to merge. I will not crash my shopping cart into parked cars, or toss trash out of my car window.

I will NOT leave my sidewalk un-shoveled to the peril of pedestrians, mail carriers and runners, nor will I leave two feet of snow on my hood to crash into the driver’s windshield behind me because I am too lazy or late to bother pushing it off.

I will NOT cough into someone’s face, or offer my hand to shake after sneezing into my own. I will not drag my martyr self into work when I’m contagious so I can infect everyone else, nor will I call out sick just because I have sick days and need to use them or lose them. I will not heat up fish or burn popcorn in the office microwave, or wear so much perfume that you can locate me by smell alone.

I will NOT jump into the newly opened register line at check out, bypassing those who have been waiting much longer, or hold up the line begging the cashier to honor a 10 cent off coupon that expired weeks ago. I will not be rude to service employees trying to do their job, or take my frustration out on the messenger of bad news. I will try not to be the messenger of bad news. I will not judge a book by its cover, nor will I cover for someone who should get the book thrown at them.

I will NOT take the last piece of paper without replenishing it, be it toilet, tissue or copy machine. I will not put something back that is broken for the next person to think they did it. I will not place blame, point the finger or pass the buck. I will not ask you to split the check if I get a steak and you get a salad.

I will NOT look for the easy way out, wimp out, or cheap out. I will not talk down, talk over or talk negatively about others. I will not exaggerate, commiserate or irritate. I will not hold others responsible for my personal happiness or lack of it. I will not blame the past, or waste today worrying about tomorrow. I will not stand by, stand back, or stand around when I can do something.

I will NOT compare my misery to others in a no win battle of whose life is worse, or forget that we all carry our own burdens. I will not expect the worst, or have unrealistic expectations. I will not quit, complain or compromise. I will not follow blindly, be blind to the truth or turn a blind eye to injustice.

I will NOT work the system, cheat the system, or be a product of the system. I will not curse the darkness, but will light a candle instead (actually, I think someone else said that, so never mind). I will not talk softly or carry a big stick. I will not stick it to anyone, nor will I stick to the beaten path. I will not let sticks or stones break my bones, or words hurt me. I will not have double standards, lower my standards or stand for nothing. I will not overindulge, overanalyze or over share.

And for once, I will NOT regret what I didn’t do in the New Year, because that was my goal from the start.