Things I Don't Trust

There are some things I just don’t trust. Here’s a list of a few of them.

I don’t trust that my recycling paper and plastic really gets recycled.

I don’t trust my alarm clock will work when I need to get up extra early.

I don’t trust medical advice on the Internet.

I don’t trust fancy phones. 

I don’t trust that I will make a connecting flight.

I don’t trust long range weather forecasts.

I don't trust short range weather forecasts.

I don’t trust that anyone else on the road with me at any given time is paying attention. 

I don't trust that anyone I'm talking to is paying attention.

I don’t trust people who use fancy business talk and code words like “let’s circle back around to that idea”.

I don’t trust super perky people.

I don’t trust fat burning anything that does not involve exercise.

I don’t trust that I’m burning the number of calories the treadmill says I am.

I don’t trust that the grocery store checkout person will correctly identify my herbs and vegetables when they ring them in.

I don’t trust foods like bacon and milk that don’t need refrigeration.

I don’t trust myself in Coffee Time.

I don’t trust that Canadian coins won’t be mixed in with my change.

I don’t trust that one size will ever fit all, or even most.

I don’t trust calorie counts on menus.

I don't trust that anyone can ever consume a 'serving size' and actually be full.

I don’t trust that the light will still be green if I follow that giant truck through the intersection.

I don’t trust that the weather will cooperate with my outdoor event.

I don’t trust that I’ll be able to open a child proof bottle.

 I don’t trust that anything is truly free.

I don’t trust that the food I order at a restaurant will vaguely resemble the photos on the menu.

I don’t trust that anyone in a car sees me when I’m running.

I don’t trust that I will ever be able to comfortably retire.

I don’t trust that the spam I report really gets reported.

I don’t trust an email or phone call that says I’ve won anything, ever.

I don’t trust that any privacy settings actually protect my privacy.

I don’t trust that I can give a Salem tourist accurate directions.

I don’t trust that the ending of any book or movie will ever feel satisfying.

I don’t trust that anything deleted is really deleted.

I don’t trust effusive compliments.

I don’t trust that I can fully trust anything.

And you can trust me on that.