What Have you Been Up To?

“I haven’t seen a column from you in a while, what have you been up to?”
I hesitate for a moment; it seems like such a simple question.

I’ve been here and there, out and about. I’ve been rushing around and trying to slow down. I’ve been sighing, crying, laughing and high-fiving.

I’ve been bracing for bad news, and hoping for good news. I’ve been wondering why, why not, what if, if only.

I’ve been drinking limited edition vanilla spice latte at Starbucks, and eating Coffee Time vanilla birthday cake. I tried to wear perfume again, and nearly choked myself in the process.

I’ve been chasing rainbows, and wishing we didn’t need to go through the rain to see them.

I’ve been dreaming of winning the lottery. I’ve been thinking my odds would be better if I played.  

I’ve been running around Salem… and Beverly, Danvers, Marblehead and Swampscott. I’ve been fast and I’ve been slow. I’ve been hopeful and hopeless.

I’ve been lying awake in bed at night trying to fall asleep. I’ve been lying awake in bed in the morning trying to get up. I’ve been worrying about things I can’t change and changing the things I can. I’ve changed my mind and changed the sheets.

I’ve been thinking about people who passed away, and worrying about people who are suffering. I’ve wondered why we can’t find a cure for cancer. I’ve been telling people there is a Heaven, and praying that it’s true. I’ve been keeping the faith.

I’ve been shoveling snow and watching it melt.

I’ve been thinking about things that might have been and wondering about what will be. I’ve been wondering what my purpose is…always wondering what my purpose is.

I’ve been sweating the big stuff and wishing there wasn’t so much big stuff to sweat. I’ve been enjoying the small stuff, like limited edition vanilla spice latte and Coffee Time vanilla birthday cake. 

I’ve been talking baby talk to babies, and talking baby talk to dogs, although I’m not sure why.

I’ve been thinking of things I’d like to do one day, someday. I’ve been brave and I’ve been afraid. I’ve been hot and I’ve been cold.

I’ve been explaining myself, excusing myself and questioning myself. I’ve been overwhelmed and under whelmed. I’ve been energetic and exhausted. I’ve been focused and I’ve been distracted.

I’ve tried to get up early on Tuesdays for the 5:30 a.m. group run, unsuccessfully. But I keep trying.

I’ve been lost in thought. I’ve gotten lost in a great book that blissfully distracted me from all of the above.  According to my doctor, I’ve been losing weight and losing height. I’ve been wondering how someone so small can be so loud.

I’ve written stuff down and thrown it out. I started 20 columns and finished none. I wondered if good enough is ever really good enough, and if anyone would notice if I stopped.

I’ve been woken up by a simple question.

”I haven’t seen a column from you in a while, what have you been up to?”

“Actually, I was just about to write one.” I answered, “Thanks for reminding me.”