Thank You Very Much

Having an “attitude of gratitude” has become a new catch phrase in these difficult times, and a lesson I learned years ago. I grew up in a house where good manners were drilled into us and reinforced daily. We were taught to always say “please” and “thank you”, even if the words only shot out of our mouths after a parental poke in the back as a gentle reminder. And on major occasions such as Christmas and our birthday, one of our final gifts would always be a box of thank you notes, along with the cautionary warning to “make sure you write them so people can read them”.

Writing a proper thank you note is no joke. Once I learned this, I no longer ripped open every present in a frantic frenzy, but would instead grab a notebook and carefully jot down each gift and who gave it to me for the purpose of thanking them later. Which was not nearly as stressful as the note writing itself. One misspelling, missing word or ink smudge meant ripping up the card and starting all over again, usually ending up with twice as many tiny envelopes as successfully written notes.

Eventually, I learned to cut down on waste by writing a practice note that I would methodically copy over word for word onto my official stationary. I even researched how to write important letters such as thank yous, and began incorporating those ideas by including a thought about how the gift would be used. “Thank you for the nice, warm mittens Aunt Edna. I can’t wait to wear them to my next snowball fight” I would carefully scrawl ‘so people could read it’.

But as the years passed, life brought many trials and tribulations, and thank yous were no longer just for gifts. There was so much more to thank people for, and writing a note seemed woefully inadequate. How do you thank your friend who held your hair out of your face when you were sick from a bad reaction to anesthesia? Or your boss who sat with you the day you returned from your grief leave as you tearfully struggled to get back into your old routine? How do you thank the businessman who, after being approached by thousands of charities a year, picks your humble group to make a substantial donation to, changing thousands of lives in the process? Sometimes we are so deeply grateful that the phrase ‘thank you’ seems overused and inadequate, and synonyms are seriously lacking. I even have a friend who ends every other statement with the words “thank you very much” which cracks me up, but doesn’t help to reinforce the deep responsibility and emotion this simple phrase attempts to express.

But the observation I’ve found most interesting is that it’s the people who do the most good for others who are the worst at accepting thanks, almost as if the recognition of their kindness or good deeds will somehow cheapen or diminish their intention. They casually fluff off their actions by saying ‘it was nothing’, refuse to accept any form of recognition, and generally poo-poo any idea that involves identifying them as a generous or kind person. The truth is- being able to graciously accept a sincere thank you is as important- sometimes even more important- to the person who was the recipient of your kindness than it is to you. So if you truly enjoy helping others, be a good sport and allow them the pleasure of thanking you in return. It’s part of the territory of being philanthropic. Think if of it as setting an altruistic example to inspire others to perform their own acts of kindness. Just take a deep breath and repeat after me, the 2nd most important phrase after thank you. It’s “you’re welcome”.