Sometimes Socially Awkward

I stare at my empty Facebook status line for a minute, and type "Beth O’Grady is… sometimes socially awkward at holiday parties". Within minutes, my wall is flooded with sympathetic responses: "Who isn’t?" "Me too!" "Me three! " "I’m ALWAYS socially awkward!" and my favorite, "Ask me about my Christmas martini story!" It became quickly apparent that I’m not the only one who, when inserted into a party situation, goes from a composed, articulate, confident woman to a stuttering, nerve-wracked, watch-checker planning my escape.


What is this phenomenon that allows me to be perfectly comfortable on a high-pressure sales call, conducting a department wide meeting or acting as host for a charitable event, yet unable to carry on a normal conversation at a house party. At a recent holiday get together, my exit lines included wishing my Jewish friend a jolly "Merry Christmas!" and exclaiming loudly "Hi, how are you?" as I hugged someone goodbye that I had spoken to all night, causing me to leave the party desperately desiring a goodbye do-over.


Speaking at a large event is different from the intimacy of a social situation. In a way, it is less personal when you are representing the greater good, rather than just trying to be yourself. Give me an opportunity to talk about a cause I believe in, or to thank someone for his or her good deeds, and you better grab a comfortable seat. But when I’m the one seated on the sofa clutching a plate of cheese and crackers, being asked "So what’s new?" I’m tongue-tied.


You would think it would be easy for me to converse, considering I just have to rehearse the wittiest answer to the question "So, are you still running?" which is ironic as I was alive 43 years before I bought my first pair of running shoes. But it beats answering the 2nd most popular question, "So, how’s the newspaper business?" which is an immediate good mood killer. Actually, I’ve never been good at small talk. I like big talk. I like big talk about big issues. Even better if the issues have no right or wrong answer, so the conversation is more about feelings than facts, such as "What is our purpose in life?" "Is there life after death?" and "What makes one person evil and another kind?" These are conversations that generally do not take place over shrimp cocktail.

In fact, I’ve always been this intense when it comes to conversation. At around age 10, I remember drawing diagrams of the universe in my room with my friend Betsy, to illustrate my belief that there was a planet hidden behind the sun just like earth that we can’t see because the gravitational force of the universe kept it out of sight. Betsy just started at me, nodded, and asked if we could play with our Barbies instead.


Or perhaps it has to do more with the limited time factor than the topics of conversation. While you might think that seeing someone only once or twice a year would result in stimulating catch up conversation that lasts for hours, for me it’s just the opposite. Intimacy can’t be rushed in a few minutes. It unravels slowly over months or years of shared experiences. It takes trust and understanding to earn the confidence to confide. It is much easier to delve into deep discussion that unravels over hours of road running than a forced five minutes over a cup of eggnog.


But don’t cross me off your 2010 holiday guest list just yet. This year I’m going to do better. I’m going to be more prepared for possible topics that could come up during conversation, and when all else fails I’ll ask the one question that everyone seems to be able to relate to "Do you find party conversations awkward or what?"