The Information Booth is Open

All of these events happened over a recent weekend.

I buzzed through a drugstore to do a quick errand, and was stopped by a stranger who asked which of the two under eye concealers she held would work best for her, liquid or powder.

Onto the grocery store, where another woman asked me if the red lobster packaged in plastic wrap at the seafood counter was in fact dead, and if so what should she do with it. A few aisles later, she approached me again carrying two different wedges of cheese asking me which one would work better for fettuccini alfredo. Then in the food section, a man asked me what a kiwi tasted like and how you would eat it.

The next day, I’m in the shoe section of a department store when a young woman approaches me and asks if the sneakers she is holding would be good for fitness walking, as she is trying to get back into shape.

First let me eliminate the obvious, and say that I’m pretty sure they did not think I was an employee in these stores, as no one would ever hire anyone who looked or dressed like me on weekends. And yes, they were all strangers. I should also eliminate the fact that I was in any way, shape or form looking pleasant and approachable, as when I do errands I am all business, purposefully avoiding eye contact to get in and out as quickly as possible. So asking me a question when I’m in errand mode requires determination, courage and good faith that I look like someone who might actually know the answer.

More interesting is that this is not just small talk; these people want answers. And my answer could determine whether or not they buy a certain product. Who knew a middle aged woman with no makeup on running errands in a beat up blue blankie sweater could have this much influence over our local economy?

Even more interesting is the fact that I do indeed have the answers; or at least I think I do. And those answers -in order - were: powder, yes its dead, you could sauté it with pasta, parmesan, tastes kind of like a strawberry, cut it in half and scoop out the inside, yes they are fine and you can do it!

This should come as no surprise to anyone who went to grade school with me and remembers my arm perpetually risen like Horshack from Welcome back Kotter, in response to just about every question in every classroom and subject, prompting teachers to ask “Does anyone BUT Beth want to try to answer this question?” Granted I didn’t always have the right answer, but I wasn’t afraid to give it a shot. And if I didn’t know the answer, I would just ask more questions.

In fact, the older I get, the more questions I have. But they are not the kind that can be answered in the grocery store check out line. They are questions like: What is our purpose? Why do bad things happen to good people? and What happens after we die? But while I am still seeking the answers to my own questions, I’m still happy to try to answer yours.

And yes, if the Lobster is red, it is indeed dead.