I overhear a young child at a pool whisper to his parents "I’m going to play with that boy over there". Without hesitation, he jumps in and commands the former stranger to "stand with your legs open and let me swim through them". In minutes they are fast friends, laughing hysterically. The logic is beautifully simple: ‘I’m a kid, and so are you- let’s play.’ If we could only continue that innocent approach to friendship our whole lives, no one would ever be lonely again.
In my youth, our little lives were not overscheduled with places we needed to be every day of the week, allowing us to make our own decisions about what sounded like fun at the time.
I know where the concept of American Idol started- in the bedroom of Debbie, age 9, who lived on the corner and owned a kick butt collection of 45 records. We would spend hours challenging each other to lip sync to the B side of hit songs, judging each other on dance moves, showmanship and knowing all the words. And long before online shopping was invented, my friend Tina and I would draw "stores" on Doodle Pads and exchange them so we could "shop" with our unlimited credit lines. We would then hop on our bikes and ride to Almy’s snack bar for "french fries and coke" which we would chant out loud the whole way for no particular reason except that it made us laugh. While I lost track of Debbie when her family moved, I remain forever friends with Tina and I’m grateful to have someone in my life who knew the ‘mini me’, with whom I can laugh about how goofy we were, and how goofy we can still be.
In high school, friendships become our safe place amidst the turmoil of hormones and peer pressure. We clump together to feel some sense of belonging, even if our group was comprised of those who don’t fit in anywhere else. I recall my high school years as "social survival", and I found a lifejacket in my friend Karen who, with her wit and humor, made high school bearable. But as time moved on we did too. We attended different colleges and went our separate ways. Some friendships survive these changes and some do not. Sadly, ours was the latter, despite our sincere yearbook pledges to be forever friends. Still, my memories of high school will be forever intertwined with memories of Karen.
Entering the workforce, we spend the majority of our waking hours with the same group of people each day, developing strong bonds with those who share a similar point of view. My work buddies understand the absurdities of our business like no one else can. We shares hysterical inside jokes that would draw a blank stare from anyone else, eliciting some of the best belly laughs of my life- the kind so deep that it makes no sound, your eyes tear up and your stomach hurts. One April Fools Day I left my friend Ellen a message to call Mr. Roach at A-1 Exterminators to place an ad. It was the lamest joke I’ve ever pulled, but she fell for it, which cracks me up to this day. Our work relationships may or may not survive as we move on, but the best memories of my newspaper career will always be my co-workers who filled my workdays with humor, camraderie and sometime shenanigans.
Related to work friends are my ‘conference friends’ who work at newspapers around the country. I have seen them once a year for over 20 years, but the distance between us and our rare meetings do not hinder our friendship. I became especially close with Laura, and while making plans to visit with her in New Mexico I stated "You know me, I’m not a lot of work." To which she quickly responded "Yes I know you, and you are a lot of work, but its so endearing that you think you are not." We still laugh over the accuracy of her insight. It is a true friend that recognizes our idiosyncrasies and reflects them back as strengths rather than weaknesses.
I went full circle in the friendship loop when I joined the Wicked Running Club. Much like those kids at the pool, the concept is simple: "I’m a runner and so are you- let’s run together." The acceptance is unconditional, and all-inclusive. It doesn’t matter how old you. It doesn’t matter how fast you are. And it doesn’t matter what you do for work. All we need to have in common to be friends is our running, and the simplicity of that friendship in the midst of a complex world is refreshing, irreplaceable, and reminiscent of the fast friendship we forged as kids.
I could write pages and pages about friends I have had over the years, past and present, and for that I am grateful. While I can easily keep company on my own, that only makes my friendships more rewarding as they are based on choice, not need. Some friendships are forever, some we outgrow, and some we sadly outlive, but all are unique in helping us to discover those parts of ourselves recognizable only to a true friend.
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