tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88872685889211723782024-03-19T06:26:53.751-04:00Such is LifeLooking for the common and sometimes comical moments in life we all share...Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.comBlogger114125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-87613954745338590332018-08-12T16:06:00.000-04:002018-08-12T16:37:40.021-04:00EnoughI believe I was in the middle of eating a meatball when he grabbed my hand.<br />
<br />
It was over 30 years ago, in what now seems like someone else’s life. I was at my former sister-in-law’s home at a traditional Italian family dinner when her tenant from the upstairs apartment barged in urgently as if escaping a fire.<br />
<br />
He grabbed my hand and looked at it intently. “You’ll never be rich, but you’ll always have enough.”<br />
<br />
He was likely younger than he looked, prematurely wrinkled, thin and balding. His features were all a bit crooked. He stared at me strangely, as if he knew secrets about me I didn’t even know I had. I was told he was a vagabond and had worked in the circus for most of his life as a psychic. But before you assume my reading was just vague enough that it could apply to anyone, there’s more to the story.<br />
<br />
“Read me!” my ex asked.<br />
<br />
“Broken window,” the odd character said with a thin grin, just before we heard the loud crash of a brick being thrown through our car window. At which point he closed my ex’s hand and pushed it back towards him as if to say, ‘you asked for it’.<br />
<br />
The whole exchange happened in about the time it took you to read about it, but it has stuck with me my entire life. Fueled by the creepy confirmation of the ‘broken window’ event, I often reflect on the mean of having ‘enough’ in my life.<br />
<br />
There is something strangely beautiful about the word when used as a describer.<br />
<br />
Enough love.<br />
Enough friends.<br />
Enough money.<br />
Enough time.<br />
<br />
It has a Goldilocks and the Three Bears ring to it. Not too little, not too much, just enough.<br />
<br />
It assumes contentment. A lack of greediness. An abundance of thankfulness.<br />
<br />
It also carries the undertone of knowing that while things could be better, they could also be much worse.<br />
<br />
Enough heartache to know true love. Enough sadness to appreciate joy. Enough illness to be thankful for good health. Enough difficulty to balance my blessings.<br />
<br />
In May of this year, I made the decision to end my newspaper career after 35 years in print media.<br />
<br />
In short, I had had enough.<br />
<br />
Enough time wasted sitting in traffic. Enough 12-hour days. Enough stressing about budgets. Enough Sunday nights spent dreading Monday mornings. Enough leaving in the dark, and coming home in the dark.<br />
<br />
It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make in my life, but in the end, it came down to this.<br />
<br />
I don’t need a corporate life.<br />
I don’t need a big income.<br />
I don’t need a big title.<br />
<br />
Because along with those things comes a big price tag.<br />
<br />
What I really need is, quite simply, enough.<br />
<br />
Amen.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0Salem, MA, USA42.51954 -70.89671550000002842.4259075 -71.058077000000026 42.6131725 -70.735354000000029tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-75962604283066781362015-02-19T05:17:00.002-05:002015-02-19T05:22:44.673-05:00Time, it just goesAnd the time, it just goes.<br />
<br />
While we wait for something to change, something to happen, something to start, something to end. <br />
<br />
It goes as we prepare for the day. THE day. Any day.<br />
<br />
It goes in traffic lights and traffic jams. Hours of cars crawling to and from the place where the time just goes during wasteful meetings and wishful dreaming of being someplace else. Anyplace else. <br />
<br />
It goes in footsteps, footfalls, walking, running. Putting distance between the time we start and time we end. The time in between just gone.<br />
<br />
It goes in the ticks of a clock during the sleepless nights spent worrying.<br />
Worrying about the time, and where it goes.<br />
<br />
It disappears in errands and chores, in grocery stores.<i> Clean up needed for time waster in aisle three. </i><br />
<br />
Wasting time wanting, wishing, needing.<br />
<br />
It goes as we try to plan a better way to spend it. As we try to find a better way. As we try to feel better.<br />
<br />
It goes in the baby I just held, now married with babies.<br />
It goes in the people who held me as a baby, who I now hold up as they teeter totter and wonder where their time went.<br />
<br />
As I silently try to explain.<br />
<br />
It just goes.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-58533695924563005622014-12-24T05:51:00.000-05:002016-10-14T15:37:26.893-04:00It's Game Time<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">There are a lot of Christmas traditions. These are mine. </span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">Week 1 tree goes up. Week 2 window lights on. Week 3 cards
get mailed. Week 4 post the Rudolph story. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">That’s about all the spirit I can muster as part of a tiny, aging
family whose biggest gift is that they survived to see one more Christmas.
There is no gift shopping, no turkey in the oven, no kids working themselves
into a frenzy, no dog wandering around with a bow stuck to its head. </span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">As Bill Belichick would say; it is what it is.</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">So I continue working through my festive ‘to do’ list until
I hit task number four, which should be the easiest. Just say a few hopeful
words, cut and paste the Rudolph story, and everyone will ‘like’ it on Facebook
and wish us a happy holiday. </span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">But that’s where things become derailed and the skis fall
off the sled, because the hopeful words are hard to muster up on this 15<sup>th</sup>
anniversary of Stephen’s death. For the
past week I’ve gotten up each morning and stared at my blank computer page,
telling myself to just jot down a few merry words and not give the gift of
depression this year. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">But like a season-weary, injured NFL player, I’m a game time
decision. I’ve had a little red X next to my name for the past week, and
although I’m trying hard to rally I’m just not sure if I can dig deep enough to find
any Merry in this Christmas. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">Well, it’s Christmas Eve, and it’s game time. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">I can almost hear the Fantasy Festivus players cheer as I
put my headset on and line up to the computer. I make a few key plays, score
high points for extra-long sentences and get hit with a few penalties for ‘non-excessive
celebration’ as I type these words onto the screen. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">These imperfect, heartful words that will be sent out into
the Universe, just in case there is someone out there who feels like me and
needs a cheerleader on the sidelines. Someone to say “I know it’s hard, but you
can do this. Don’t think too far ahead, just think one day at a time, and on
this one day, you can do this.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">For me, that cheerleader is my brother Stephen. And Rudolph.
</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">Read it and rally my friends, it’s game time.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-style: normal;">The Night We Saw Rudolph. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText">
Twas
the night before Christmas on Webb Street in Salem. Stephen is five years old
and trying desperately to fall asleep amidst the holiday excitement and
anticipation of Christmas morning.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
I
tell him that if Santa comes and he is still awake, he will fly right by and
not bring him any toys. Just then, someone drove into the driveway of the
liquor store that use to be our neighbor and put their brake lights on, causing
the bedroom to glow in a bright, red light.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
His eyes grew as big as saucers as he looked at the window, then at me, and
muttered “Rudolph…!” just before falling asleep.<br />
<br />
From that year forth, every Christmas Eve Stephen would turn to me and say,
“Remember the night we saw Rudolph?” and we’d laugh at the memory. But as we
grew to adults, I began to respond, “That wasn’t Rudolph, it was….” and before
I could finish the statement he would give a little smirk and say, “SShhhh, it
was Rudolph” and we’d just smile.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
My
brother has been gone 15 Christmases now, but I still tell this story to anyone
who will listen. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because
looking back, Stephen was right. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It
was indeed Rudolph. </div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-31379655715775850442014-09-24T06:27:00.002-04:002016-10-14T15:38:31.498-04:0010 Memorable BooksIt was supposed to be a quick Facebook scan: who did what, who ate what and who went where. But instead, I was tagged with a challenge that has weighed heavy on my mind: list 10 books that made a difference in my life.<br />
<br />
Books and I go way back.<br />
<br />
Almost all of my childhood memories include me reading. Me, with my white pleather bible full of colorful photos, crying because people were mean to Jesus; Me, in my cardboard fort with a flashlight, glued to Ten Little Indians; Me, carrying home huge stacks of books from the Salem Public Library with just my pixie haircut and Ked’s sneakers sticking out from behind the pile; Me, convinced flying saucers really were spotted over the Salem Power Plant after being brainwashed by Chariots of the Gods; Me, writing a suspense novel in high school as a way to make friends, an effort that ended up in a bonfire after a particularly hurtful bullying incident.<br />
<br />
So choosing the top 10 books in my life is a big task. It is not a list that anyone is going to want to run out and read, but it is my life through books.<br />
<br />
1) The Bible<br />
Would it surprise anyone that I wanted to be a nun when I grew up? Up until the time my father was killed in a car accident, I was deeply religious in a home where that really wasn’t. I’m not sure if it was faith or fear that guided me in those early years, but I would hit my knees faithfully every night, and keep a growing list of things I needed to repent for in preparation for my weekly confession. If you’ve read my blogs, you’ve heard mention of my infamous white pleather Bible, origin unknown, which was so well worn and read that I had to wrap it up with my rosary beads to hold it together. I won’t go into details of the changes in my life that challenged my faith, but let’s just say I’m back, and I wish I still had that Bible.<br />
<br />
2) Green Eggs and Ham, Dr. Seuss<br />
What’s not to love about Dr. Seuss? I would read this book out loud to no one in particular so I could preserve it to memory like a beautiful poem (I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam-I-Am). The rhythm of the words were melodic and soothing in a life that was anything but that, and it still makes me smile to think of the oasis his words offered to my younger self.<br />
<br />
3) Our Bodies, Ourselves<br />
Don’t go rushing out to buy this at the same time please! Growing up in a home that didn't talk much about anything deep or particularly important, this book gave me some much needed information and education about stuff young girls need to know. If you grew up in the same era as me, and you were a girl, I know you read it too.<br />
<br />
4) Ten Little Indians (And then there were None), Agatha Christie<br />
This was my first grown-up type of book, and it introduced me to the all night, flashlight under the bed, page turning experience that would become an almost nightly occurrence throughout much of my young adulthood.<br />
<br />
5) Chariots of the Gods, Erich von Daniken <br />
Come on, you know you read this too. Didn’t you? This was a cult books that was all the buzz when it first came out. I was obsessed with the thought of aliens visiting earth and sucked into the whole conspiracy theory thingee. I am almost tempted to read it again, but I’m afraid it would be like watching the frightening episode from Lost in Space with the big white alien gorilla when I was a kid, only to discover when I re-watched it as an adult that it had an obvious zipper on it and you could almost see the guy’s real shoes sticking out.<br />
<br />
6) The Shining, Stephen King<br />
Wow… LOVE Stephen King. This daunting book was very fat and had very tiny type, but it scared the heck out of me in a very big way. I know the movie got a lot of buzz, but some of the scariest stuff in the book could only exist in your head, so if you liked the movie, and like being scared, invest some time and read the book!<br />
<br />
7) The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle<br />
I can hear you now, yawn. I think if I re-read it again I may yawn too. But it gave me a lot of peace in a time of sadness after my brother Stephen was killed. It helped me clear out a space in my head that wasn’t full of grief, if only for a moment. I spent many solo hours in the Starbucks café in Swampscott nursing a Gingerbread Latte in a comfortable chair, trying to stay part of the world at the same time I was trying to stay in my right mind. Every book has its moment of importance that can’t always be replicated, and this was the right book at a bad time. <br />
<br />
8) 26 Miles to Boston, Michael Connolly<br />
When I decided to start running in memory of Stephen, I decided to start big. My first goal was the Boston Marathon and I worked backwards to figure out how I would get to that finish line. Part of that experience included pouring over this awesome book that details the entire course, offering memories from each mile. I recommend it highly to anyone running Boston that hasn’t read it yet.<br />
<br />
9) Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn<br />
This voracious reader went through a very long dry spell when life obligations consumed every last molecule of space like the old science experiment when you fill a glass with rocks (is it full?), then sand (is it full now?) then water (now is it full?), leaving years devoid of reading anything more than a newspaper or magazine. This book reminded me of the page turner mysteries I used to love, and the days I would keep the book and flashlight next to my bed so I could cram in a page or two each time I woke up in the middle of the night. It was another ‘right book at the right time’ that reminded me of the deep comfort I get from a really great read. It brought me back to reading regularly, which I am grateful for.<br />
<br />
10) The Book I Will Write One Day, by Me<br />
Less reading and more action is required to make this happen, but I believe that someday it will happen. And who knows, maybe long after I’m gone it will be on someone’s top 10 books list.<br />
<br />
You never know.<br />
<br />
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Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-17153523761267165722014-07-28T06:49:00.001-04:002016-10-14T15:38:44.829-04:00Stuff I Miss<b><i>Here is a list of some things I miss:</i></b><br />
<br />
Waking up and having absolutely nothing to do all summer.<br />
Old-fashioned drugstores with ice cream soda bars.<br />
Asking if I could go to the bathroom at a restaurant just so I could crawl under the table to get out.<br />
The Lost 45’s radio program on Sunday nights.<br />
The ‘popcorn man’ on the Salem Common.<br />
The tilt-a-whirl at the Salem Willows.<br />
Wearing old sneakers with my bathing suit so I wouldn’t cut my feet on clam shells.<br />
The dill pickle jar on the counter at Lena’s sub shop on Bridge Street.<br />
The Spiegel catalog arriving in the mail.<br />
“Sobi’s” meat market on Webb Street in Salem.<br />
Weylus’ in Salem- free bowl of soup with your lunch plate.<br />
The “V-bar” for awesome grilled burgers.<br />
My white pleather kid’s bible and glow-in-the-dark rosary beads.<br />
The creature-double feature.<br />
A brand-new Colorforms set.<br />
The sandy, salty feeling of a day at the beach.<br />
Showering with a hose. <br />
Buying a whole new back to school wardrobe, from the shoes up. <br />
The lunch-counter at Almy’s and their super-salty string French fries.<br />
The “Salem station” on the radio.<br />
My grandmother’s polish cooking- everything started with a chunk of pork fat.<br />
Using a clothes pin and a card to create annoying sounds with my bicycle.<br />
Eating pretty much anything and not knowing or caring about the calories.<br />
The Salem News, when it really was just Salem.<br />
Playing my new 45 record over and over and over until it was memorized.<br />
A bottle of coke-syrup in the frig.<br />
Fishing for flounder in Salem Harbor.<br />
Digging for clams at low tide at Collins Cove Beach.<br />
Russell’s Ice Cream’s ‘sweet cream’ hot fudge sundae with real whipped cream.<br />
Hobby shops full of jigsaw puzzles, paint sets and models (not the fashion kind).<br />
Making stuff out of gimp with the Salem Common park instructor.<br />
Watching ZOOM and talking in ubbi-dubbi.<br />
Checking out stacks of hard cover books from the Salem Library.<br />
Watching Disney’s Wonderful World on Sunday nights.<br />
My body dotted with calamine lotion, zinc and mercurochrome from too-much summer fun.<br />
Back when being a kid and ‘having fun’ was our job.<br />
<br />
The best job I ever had.<br />
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Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-49422415030624685402014-07-11T11:53:00.000-04:002014-07-11T11:53:01.304-04:00This Morning in Salem These are just a few of the things I observed early this morning in Salem, not necessarily in this order.<br />
<br />
Me running.<br />
Empty nip bottles.<br />
Lost signs for a kitty.<br />
Dogs walking owners.<br />
A Brazil flag flying at half-mast.<br />
A Red Sox flag flying at half-mast.<br />
Seagulls emptying out full trash cans.<br />
The sun rising a little later than the day before.<br />
Dueling exercise groups on the Salem Common.<br />
A zig-zaggedy squirrel taking forever to cross the street.<br />
Clusters of leaves and branches, evidence of this week’s wild storms.<br />
Customized license plates revealing the personalities of mystery owners.<br />
Commuters funneling out of side streets around town into the train station.<br />
The Salem Public Library, making me nostalgic for the many years I visited daily.<br />
Bittersweet so aggressive I feared moving too slow or it would ensnare me.<br />
A beautiful peachy purple sunrise that made it worth getting up this early.<br />
The soft, rhythmic sound of kayak oars cutting through the still water.<br />
Like minded fitness folks running around this great little City.<br />
My nana’s house on Collins Cove Beach, still unchanged.<br />
Preparations for the Seafood Festival down the Willows.<br />
Two cardinals diving, dipping and dancing in the air.<br />
A rooster walking up someone’s front stairs (?).<br />
Lots of spitting (oops, sorry, that was me).<br />
One random sneaker, in good condition.<br />
People watering flowers.<br />
Freshly paved streets.<br />
Secret cemeteries.<br />
Good Morning.<br />
Good Run.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-39888376068742266212014-06-11T06:54:00.000-04:002014-06-11T06:54:15.346-04:00Hey, Thanks!Here are just a couple of people I’ve been meaning to say thanks to. Sorry it took me so long.<br />
<br />
The moving company manager, who surprised me with a refund check saying they overcharged me when I wouldn’t have known the difference.<br />
<br />
The ‘trash man’, who placed my emptied barrel on side of house, put the cover on and gave it a little pat before he moved on. I saw you, thanks!<br />
<br />
Friends who pick up where we left off, even if there happened to be a 20 year break in the middle.<br />
<br />
The people who tend to the sponsored traffic island gardens around the city- nice job!<br />
<br />
Coffee Time, for making delicious golden birthday cakes with buttercream frosting. So delicious, I sometimes get a small one just for me, when it’s not even my birthday. Wait, did I just say that out loud?<br />
<br />
The car repair guy, who waited for me to get to the shop to replace my broken wipers on a rainy night, even though it was long after closing hours. And he didn’t even seem to mind.<br />
<br />
Little kids who take a liking to me and let me know what it feels like to be a mom, if just for a moment.<br />
<br />
Philanthropic companies. Times are tough for all of us, but you still give what you can. You rock.<br />
<br />
The person in the grocery store who randomly handed me a $1 off coupon for something I just put in my carriage. Nice!<br />
<br />
The state trooper who was at the scene of my brother’s death in a car accident, who randomly checked in with me for years after my brother had been killed, just to see how my family was doing. Above and beyond.<br />
<br />
Everyone over the years who has said “you can do it!” when I wasn’t sure I could. Sometimes I still couldn’t do ‘it’, but it was still nice that you had faith in me.<br />
<br />
My long-time primary care doctor, who truly and deeply cares about my well-being inside and out. She's sick! (in the way that we now say something is 'sick' if it is really, really good).<br />
<br />
My notoriously tough college English professor, who gave me an A+ on an original screenplay and added a note that my writing was indicative of a “beautiful soul”, words I never forgot and still aspire to live up to.<br />
<br />
My wonderfully wild memories of the crazy hyjinks we use to pull in the workplace at the Salem Evening News, back in the days when it really was just the SALEM Evening News, and you could balance work and fun without getting into trouble.<br />
<br />
The scruffy guy at the coffee shop who overheard me talking about a fundraiser I was working on, and handed me a $250 check from the construction company he owned. You never know!<br />
<br />
The nice lady who gave me a hug and wiped my away my tears after I crashed my bike, back when you could show that kind of affection to other people’s kids without worry.<br />
<br />
The penny candy guy on the corner who would occasionally let me pick a free bonus piece- score!<br />
<br />
My co-workers, who send me encouraging notes thanking me for helping them balance their work and personal life, reminding me that we can sometimes make a big difference in very small ways.<br />
<br />
The little girl who was washing her hands in the bathroom at Fantasy Island, and spontaneously said to her mother as I walked in: “Mama, she’s beautiful!” (NOTE: I was only about 10 myself at the time). <br />
<br />
My running friend who said she missed my blog, reminding me I missed writing it too.Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-23024123396627199772014-03-11T06:32:00.000-04:002014-03-11T06:32:03.745-04:00What Time Is It? NOW!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzuRAFAicX0IaqFdjbs-nsVx-wEBglglHsf646uU2Or23ExGUqgvahTsMGIIwThruvKnMUGix76s8SGBqA7WTx2NAPvcOzeBR0ltvxZ_kgxmznrLimHoFF6ulMJ8pp-lfwKHHVHoZ7OHc/s1600/beth+finish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzuRAFAicX0IaqFdjbs-nsVx-wEBglglHsf646uU2Or23ExGUqgvahTsMGIIwThruvKnMUGix76s8SGBqA7WTx2NAPvcOzeBR0ltvxZ_kgxmznrLimHoFF6ulMJ8pp-lfwKHHVHoZ7OHc/s1600/beth+finish.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I spend yet another early morning killing valuable time
waiting for the sun to rise so I can get back to work to continuing doing stuff
I have been dreading all night, it is with great irony that I find an
unfinished blog dated January 2013 called The Time Is Now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Apparently it was a message to myself, as the time is
usually ‘not yet’, ‘almost’, ‘pretty soon’ or ‘someday’.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They are the answers to big questions such as “When will you
start doing what you love?”,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“when will
you stop doing what you don’t love?” and “when will you finally become who you
were meant to be?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Answers to small things are so much easier.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hot fudge sundae? Yes please!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When would you like a fabulous dress that is on sale and
fits you perfectly. Now please!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have no relatives and I’m giving away my fortune to
strangers- would you like some? Sure!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s the truly life changing questions that require us to
get out of our comfort zone and put some effort into our dreams that are easily
put off. How ironic they are the same dreams that can transform our lives from
just trying to get from the start of the day to the end of the day without
losing it, to finally feeling alive and wondering why it took us so long to
wake up and start living.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not going to edit my blog draft, because the point is
abundantly clear, even in its raw form. The trick is living it instead of just
reading it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Time is Now</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I told you that NOW is the time</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The time to move</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The time to learn</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The time to grow</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The time to love</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The time is NOW</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What would you say?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a minute, after the laundry, maybe tomorrow?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you believed you only had a short time left on this
earth,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who would you made amends with? Call them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who would you thank? Thank them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where would you go? Go.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What stress would you remove from your life? Get rid of it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The time is now to do what you must do, what you want to do,
what you’ve dreamed of doing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t worry, the “have to dos” will still be there, tugging
on your sleeve, trying to keep you from rising above it all like a balloon
trying to break free of its tethers. But what about the "want to
dos"?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now is the time for “I wish I could one day… some day”.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Living in the shadow of the memories of loved ones whose one
days were taken away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it’s warm.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I feel better.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I get a new job.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I have no more obligations.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I retire.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lose weight?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Start exercising?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Go to Hawaii?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Soon. Eventually. Maybe next year.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But here’s the thing: It is next year.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>And have we started
yet?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-14611132689985074542014-02-11T05:58:00.003-05:002018-05-20T05:23:25.796-04:00Stop the Presses- It's the End of an Era<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Stop the presses! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I just got this newsflash: a local newspaper is discontinuing
their ‘junior’ paper carrier jobs… <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for good.</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in the day, we were paperboys, regardless if we were a
boy or girl. We walked the streets after school (when we could wait until the
afternoon for our news), dragging around bags heavier than ourselves, nearly
tipping over until we delivered the first few to make the weight more
manageable. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, a car slowly creeps by in the wee hours of the morning,
whipping papers out the window into snowbanks or bushes or - in the case of my older
delivery person- carefully placing each one on the doorstep, leading me to
believe he learned the importance of good paper placement back when he was a paperboy.
Back when it was a job to be proud of.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, it was a job- probably our first job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We learned to earn our own money to buy our
own stuff. And we learned that if the stuff we bought was penny candy our money
wouldn’t last more than a swallow. But if we bought something like
a scribble pad and colored pencils, or splurged on a model from the craft
store, we could enjoy that investment for weeks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you were a budding entrepreneur, you’d act as a general
contractor, sub leasing your route to friends for a piece of the action on the
days you weren’t in the mood.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember when carrying papers was often secondary to
checking up on an elderly neighbor whose only visitor of that day, week or even
life was the paperboy .</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When my brother Stephen was a paperboy, he not only knew the
names of his customers, but also the names of their kids, grand kids and pets,
not to mention what each house would offer him for a snack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In some cases, he knew more about his older
clients then their own families did, coming home with information about their
health or living conditions, even helping one of his diabetic clients tend to
her ulcerated foot when he realized she could not do it herself. He was a paper
carrier, companion, dog walker and personal assistant who left each house with
more than he dropped off- usually an envelope with money and a list of grocery
items he delivered the next day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was
so important in their lives I wonder if they read the newspaper at all, or they
just paid to have a daily visitor who cared.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Paper boys knew who they were delivering to, and the tips
were personal with a sincere thank you, sometimes along with a cookie or a date
nut bar home baked by the customer which we would eat on the route, delivering
the next paper with the added bonus of a chocolate fingerprint. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We were even little debt collectors, given a list of the ‘deadbeats’
whose papers would be shut off if they didn’t pay up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our service was so personal that we often knew
why that bill was unpaid, as some of our older clients clearly lived below
poverty levels, and when asked to bring in their mail along with the paper
we'd carry in a hefty load of ‘final notice’ bills back when they tried to embarrass
us to pay by printing that on the outside of the envelope. We knew their
circumstances so well, that we’d sometimes go into our own tip drawer to mark
the account ‘paid in full’.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The image of kids delivering their afternoon papers reminds
me of the innocence and simplicity of times gone by; when our local news
was truly local. When the newspaper was still made only of paper, and when everyone
seemed to know someone who wrote, printed, sold or delivered it to us. It was a
chain of humanity, and the paperboy was an important part of that chain- the
face of the newspaper.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Delivering the paper helped us to learn about news personally
impacts lives, as our customer would retrieve the paper and immediately read
the headline aloud - sometimes followed by a gasp or sigh. They would go to the
death notice page and tell you a story about friends and neighbors listed there
as their eyes glistened. Or they would ask if we wanted a laugh and read their
favorite cartoon to us. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, we knew how the news affected its readers, up close and
personal. We knew more than anyone ever gave us credit for. But no one asked us
what we thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We were just paperboys.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now we are gone. </div>
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<![endif]--><br />Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-79797844885609757692014-01-28T06:20:00.000-05:002018-05-20T05:23:53.388-04:00Don't Bum Me Out<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Does anyone say ‘bummer’ anymore, and who made up that word anyhow?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t know what it means, it refers to anything that really stinks, which may just be the origin of the word.</div>
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<br />
Here are a few things that bum me out:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A long day at work. A long commute home. A long, boring speech. Being the one who gave the long, boring speech. Boring meetings about nothing. Having nothing to do when I’m antsy. Have something to do when I’m exhausted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sour milk. A sour attitude, mine or anyone else’. Fruit rotting too fast. Fruit Flies. Time flying too fast by when you are having fun. Bad days that never end. Wondering if there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being trapped in the tunnel.<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A construction crew setting up outside the front door on a planned quiet day off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An overnight snowstorm on a work day. Wearing crappy snow boots to work and forgetting my shoes. Wearing shoes to the gym and forgetting my sneakers. Going into a full blown panic attack looking for my wallet that I forgot was hanging off my wrist.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Going from free parking to paid parking at work. Dings and scratches on car from expensive parking lot. No change for the meter. Store right next to the meter with a sign WE DO NOT GIVE CHANGE FOR METER. Change for the sake of change. Crappy ‘groundhog day’ stuff that never seems to change.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Spilling coffee on a white shirt at the start of a work day. Ending up with an even bigger spot on my chest that looks like a bull’s eye or something worse caused from the expired stain cleaner. Finding out too late I had a suspicious brown stain on the bum of my white pants after sitting on a piece of chocolate in the morning. Realizing I walked around all day like that. Realizing what everyone thought was so funny that day.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Burning the roof of my mouth on hot pizza. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Choking after food goes down ‘the wrong pipe’. Choking when I need to excel. Popping out a swear word at an inappropriate time. An eyelash hair in my contact lens. Getting the hairy eyeball.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Strange sounds from my car engine at the start of a long road trip. Strange sounds from my stomach at the start of a long run. Water level comes up instead of going down when I flush. Strange computer messages that suggest my life is about to be erased, and for just a moment thinking that sounds like a great idea. Too many ideas at 3 a.m. Not enough ideas in the middle of the work day.<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Staring at a blank page not knowing where to start. Starting something I can’t finish. Looking at a full page and throwing it away because it stinks. Having the person on treadmill next to me sniff loudly, look in my direction and move.<br />
<br />
Awkward endings to a column.</div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-34094528145538405132014-01-01T08:45:00.001-05:002014-01-01T08:45:41.141-05:00Still Thankful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For the past several years, I've made a Thanksgiving list of
little and big things I'm grateful for. But not this year.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not that I wasn't grateful, but there were bigger things
going on in my life I was not all that thankful for that I had to deal with, which
demoted my thanksgiving list to the bottom of the bigger 'to do' list.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in this peaceful hour as the New Year begins, I reflect
back on some of the little things that made me smile last year, and find myself
hoping for new reasons to smile in 2014.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And realizing any day is a good day to be thankful, here is
my short list:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Waking up in a rush for work, then remembering its Saturday. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finding the perfect little Christmas tree. Finding out its
only $8- score! Businesses who sell Christmas trees for $8. The peaceful glow
of a tiny tree with lights on it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A neighbor who gives you an ingredient you are missing half
way into your recipe. Having the time to cook just for the love of cooking, not
because I got home late and I’m starving. Not actually knowing what real
starving feels like. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Frequent buyer reward programs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A paid off credit card.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Celebrating Christmas by ‘being’ instead of
buying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Running friends who help me get my butt out the door on
frigid winter days. Getting into a car made warm by the sun on a cold day. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My wildly diverse group of friends who teach
me every day, viva la difference! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who put the food divider up for you at the grocery
store. People who help seniors put their food on the counter. Helpers. Seniors. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Little kids who want to go on the biggest roller coasters. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing little faces light up when they meet
the height requirement. A little hand grabbing yours because they want to sit
with you on a ride. Little kids saying “I wuv you” (insert heart melting here).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who are told they don’t have long to live, but live
on. Appreciating every ‘bonus’ day of our lives. Beating the odds. Placing a 10-1
bet in Vegas in April for the Sox to win it all. Red Sox beards. World Series
wins. Aspiring to world peace. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A piece
of gold birthday cake with buttercream frosting from Coffee Time.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Familiar routines. New adventures. Doing. Learning.
Exploring. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Vacations that recharge you. Looking at vacation photos and
videos that bring you back to that moment. Getting excited when I recognize places
I’ve visited when I’m watching TV. Doing something new ‘just to say I did it’. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Being strong enough to do push-ups and sit ups. Having the
discipline to actually do them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Strength
of character. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the great ‘characters’
I’ve met in my life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Seasonal honey dipped cider crullers from ‘you know where’.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Strangers who make eye contact and say ‘good morning’
instead of staring at their smart phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Pleasant people. Being pleasantly surprised. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who ask if you need help when your car hood is up. Being
able to say “no thanks” because I can check and fill my own oil.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having access to a gym and showers at work. No excuses. Discovering
I can catch up on reality TV on my kindle while running on the treadmill. Not
having to talk Doug into watching Project Runway at home anymore- score! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fist pumping. High fiving. Not being left hanging like Tom
Brady. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
New hopes. New dreams. <br />
<br />
A new year.</div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-44248243985379710822013-12-17T16:40:00.000-05:002013-12-17T16:40:58.319-05:00Fixing Christmas<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4ZybHvcxYz13-42yrPQIkn0IkhpHd8MccHFTSj6MKjeRdBEXNzK33PrpE-7Bpo-jgNl3Qzuj3qm7Io_i69pXj3sUq497e_1WMoz7cAhC1xuMsxb8jYo74OAZ3aAftDuU7WKs1gVRatf0/s1600/a1c03019cd0f4861707307c4b38b09a7.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4ZybHvcxYz13-42yrPQIkn0IkhpHd8MccHFTSj6MKjeRdBEXNzK33PrpE-7Bpo-jgNl3Qzuj3qm7Io_i69pXj3sUq497e_1WMoz7cAhC1xuMsxb8jYo74OAZ3aAftDuU7WKs1gVRatf0/s1600/a1c03019cd0f4861707307c4b38b09a7.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4ZybHvcxYz13-42yrPQIkn0IkhpHd8MccHFTSj6MKjeRdBEXNzK33PrpE-7Bpo-jgNl3Qzuj3qm7Io_i69pXj3sUq497e_1WMoz7cAhC1xuMsxb8jYo74OAZ3aAftDuU7WKs1gVRatf0/s1600/a1c03019cd0f4861707307c4b38b09a7.png" /><br />
</a>I am not a professional handyman, but I know when something is broken. <br />
<br />
<div class="post-body headroom clear-fix" itemprop="articleBody">
Including my Christmas spirit. <br />
<br />
Each year I make some attempt to imagine we are the perfect family that lives in Lifetime movies (but not the one from the Christmas Shoes please). I buy my Charlie Brown Christmas tree in the reject pile and bring it to life with a blankie and some love. I tune into the 24/7 holiday music channel on my way to work to try to alleviate my stress filled commute. I even eliminated shopping for the perfect presents that are never, ever perfect in exchange for quality time, including an annual December trip that is our gift to each other.<br />
<br />
Coming home from this year’s trip, I was determined to rally over the next two weeks to bring back that lovin’ feeling I’d lost for Christmas.<br />
<br />
But the morning after we landed, my fingertips turned white with frostbite as I shoveled water laden snow and ice chunks at three houses. <br />
Back to work Monday, I pitied the poor driver who lost their muffler over the holidays as I changed lanes to get away from the booming sound, only to realize the poor driver with the muffler issue was me. <br />
<br />
That’s Ok, it’s just a muffler, I’ve got this. <br />
<br />
Day three at home I awoke at 4:30 a.m. to “get lots of stuff done” before I drop my car at the shop, only to find the heat was out. After an hour off and on the phone and trying to restart the burner myself so I wouldn’t incur massive after-hour fees, I succeeded for a moment, quickly finding out that I could still take a hot shower, albeit in my bathrobe down the cellar, as every pipe seemed to explode with steaming water because our pipes had frozen in the 3 degree temps overnight when the burner ceased. <br />
<br />
Which brings me to this moment, typing fast before something else bad happens, wearing my $1, one size fits all Target mittens, which are about all I’ll be able to afford after we pay for the Christmas trip, muffler and oil burner fees to come. Ho, ho… oh no.<br />
<br />
But this is not the least of my or your problems, and I know that. <br /><br />Bills will be paid, snow will get shoveled, and mufflers and oil burners will get fixed.<br />
<br />
But those we have loved and lost are still sorely and sadly missed every day. And while it is life’s little aggravations that we lament about to anyone who will listen, it is the underlying feeling of loss that can break us, little by little.<br />
<br />
Yes my holiday spirit is broken, perhaps beyond repair, but there is a band aid I use every year to get me through the season. It’s the memory of the night my brother Stephen and I saw Rudolph. <br />
<br />
It’s a reminder of the beauty of the season, youthful innocence and faith that anything is possible if you just believe. It’s a memory I’m blessed to have, and share each year. <br />
<br />
I call it The Night We Saw Rudolph. <br />
<br />
Twas the night before Christmas on Webb Street in Salem. Stephen is five years old and trying desperately to fall asleep amidst the holiday excitement and anticipation of Christmas morning.<br />
I tell him that if Santa comes and he is still awake, he will fly right by and not bring him any toys. Just then, someone drove into the driveway of the liquor store that use to be our neighbor and put their brake lights on, causing the bedroom to glow in a bright, red light. <br />
<br />
His eyes grew as big as saucers as he looked at the window, then at me, and muttered “Rudolph…!” just before falling asleep.<br />
From that year forth, every Christmas Eve Stephen would turn to me and say,“Remember the night we saw Rudolph?” and we’d laugh at the memory. But as we grew to adults, I began to respond, “That wasn’t Rudolph, it was….” and before I could finish the statement he would give a little smirk and say, “SShhhh, it was Rudolph” and we’d just smile.<br />
<br />
My brother has been gone 14 Christmases now, but I still tell this story to anyone who will listen. Because looking back, Stephen was right. <br />
<br />
It was indeed Rudolph. </div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-50458411268610245512013-11-19T05:56:00.000-05:002018-05-20T05:24:11.847-04:00Ruminations on Meditation<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Onto Day 2 of my mediation challenge!</div>
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Or should I say Days 2-8 as I couldn’t find enough time to do the suggested one meditation a day, so I now have to cram seven at once, which I’m pretty sure is not recommended by Oprah. Or Deepak. Or anyone for that matter. </div>
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But at least I haven’t quit. </div>
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The total time of seven meditations is now over two hours long, 95% of which I expect to be music without words over a pretty nature photo. But thankfully, I notice that there are ‘cliff notes’ under each segment that encapsulate the theme which, I convince myself, is better than nothing.</div>
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Day 2: Empowered Me. The theme is ‘equanimity ‘, which this English major had to look up. As it turns out, it is a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">state of psychological stability and composure which is undisturbed by experience of or exposure to emotions, pain, or other phenomena that may cause others to lose the balance of their mind, </i>otherwise known as ‘nearly impossible’. I move on to Day 3.</div>
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Day 3: Confident Me. The meditation is, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are you feeling burnt out, distracted and disconnected from the world? </i>I answer YES! and jump to Day 4. Not because I’m too lazy to see what the answer is, but because I’m starting to get the hang of this meditation thing; enough to know they never really give you an answer that doesn’t involved looking within yourself or asking the universe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Day 4: Refer to Day 3, as I’m now so distracted all I seem to grasp is something about two caterpillars turning into butterflies as I pour my 3<sup>rd</sup> cup of coffee and break into full blown hot flash.</div>
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On Day 5, I got fired from meditating. At least it seemed that way as I didn’t get my daily taunt, aka reminder, of my failed attempt to do this thing. I can’t lie, I was a little relieved. But I also wondered if Oprah is indeed so powerful she knew that I wasn’t taking it seriously and deleted me from her program.</div>
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On Day 8, I got flurry of emails for days 5-8 and was glad it seemed to be a computer glitch, nothing personal. Feeling a little bad about not concentrating more, I try to go back to the Day 4 mediation to see what I missed, but they have blocked access, because who in their right meditation mind would go back several days to cram? Geesh!<br />
<br />
Days 6-8 are: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Resilient Me, Fearless Me</i>, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What Do I Want,</i> which totally throw me off as they didn’t use the word “Me” in Day 8. I then begin to wonder why “Me” is so important to meditating in the first place, as it seems pretty selfish and suddenly…HELLO McFLY… I think I get it. </div>
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It’s so simple really. </div>
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In this fast paced blur of where we need to be, whom we need to be and what we need to do, it has become almost impossible to find a moment in the day to just breath, and remember who we are deep down in our core.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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We are all so different, but we are all “me” in our own way.</div>
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And ‘me’ thinks… no, ‘me’ KNOWS… that I’m not cut out for this meditation thing.</div>
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Namaste, my friends.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Namaste. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span>Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-52222301270963110262013-11-12T05:40:00.001-05:002013-11-12T05:40:25.903-05:00The Meditation Experiment<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw1Myx3KBZObvDrJ6fo0eQWTYy6oRAbW0pL3uOFjVT28MI-oItM1yBIgyEpa9EA4GIoZo54kTtIuy-OMtbITGBH_WEdnl-z5SX3dBK2PEoImETvGk3Xm21G71SlmHTH3FS-fOGD4JOsqI/s1600/21683_4002640464522_1648318803_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw1Myx3KBZObvDrJ6fo0eQWTYy6oRAbW0pL3uOFjVT28MI-oItM1yBIgyEpa9EA4GIoZo54kTtIuy-OMtbITGBH_WEdnl-z5SX3dBK2PEoImETvGk3Xm21G71SlmHTH3FS-fOGD4JOsqI/s1600/21683_4002640464522_1648318803_n.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who am I?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is the question I was instructed to ponder as I agreed
to take part in a world-wide 21 day daily meditation hosted by Oprah and led by
meditation expert, Deepak Chopra. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first few minutes of Oprah talking were fine, plus there
was a pretty picture of a sunset on the screen. “I can do this!” I said to no
one, “Bring it!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then Deepak chimed in, and it all fell apart. Meditation is
about trying to stay focused, pushing out distracting thoughts that take you
out of the moment. Not easy for someone whose life is built on distracting
thoughts. <br />
<br />
The first thing I did was check the timer, 20 minutes to go. 20 minutes?!
Thoughts of everything I could do with that 20 minutes rush through my head,
until suddenly there was just music. Why is there just music? What am I
supposed to do now? Did I miss the instructions?<br />
<br />
So I back <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>up the meditation- which right
there tells me I’m not even close to doing it right - and find out that I
should be sitting quietly with my hands loosely in my lap, contemplating the
question <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Who Am I</i>. </div>
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Am I holding my hands right? I saw a picture of the Beatles
meditating on 60 minutes last night and they made little O’s with their thumb
and finger, so I give that a try.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
arthritis in my wrist throbs and I have a giant hangnail on my thumb I try to
bite off. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think- no, I’m sure- I need to go to the bathroom. Nothing
much is going on in the meditation world, so I take a quick break. Same music
and photo…still no talking. 18 minutes of this left. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Maybe they don’t change the photo because I’m supposed to have my eyes closed
instead of staring at the screen while sports radio plays in the background.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Celtics beat the Heat, Yeah! Can you make
a lot of money being a meditation expert? Why do we keep moving the clocks forwards
and backwards an hour?<br />
<br />
It’s painfully clear I’m not the mediation type, but in the spirit of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Who Am I</i>, I decide to make a list of who
I am to see how much I can write down until the music stops. So here I go.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I am a daughter, sister, niece, fiancé, friend, philanthropist
and volunteer. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am frustrated, flabbergasted, discouraged and encouraged.
I am tired, curious, quiet, serious, introverted, joyful, hopeful, faithful and
youthful. I can be impulsive, contemplative, spiritual, empathetic and persistent.
I feel lucky, empty, restless and hungry. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a survivor.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m a good driver, bad singer, goal setter, bath person, dog
lover and reality TV watcher. I’m a fast walker, fast talker and slow eater. I
am a thinker, whiner, writer, runner, worrier, planner and coffee drinker. <br />
<br />
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freezing, endearing, frustrating, encouraging and annoying. I can be inconsolably
sad and hopelessly optimistic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m focused,
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up, washed up and worked up. I’m…. <br />
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too. </div>
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So I add it to my list, and throw in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">list-maker</i> for good measure, and it’s a wrap.<br />
<br />
I think I’m getting the hang of this mediation thing. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG4STKgn2SDh4np8PcAzSxmTy_1Ce8Q8iHm4JZELU0ZKgbkToaCr1OIxZuoKm_OpqoIxlWXYgxenVCZCnR1ozFTVKvCcMNDS6ZQAsTYEZtelRQ8PbaoWio4ROdXPhNs1migxejsRih3OY/s1600/21683_4002640464522_1648318803_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bring on Day 2. </div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-79417221682666882962013-10-30T06:40:00.000-04:002018-05-20T05:24:37.103-04:00Go Take a Walk!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I’m a runner, not a walker.<br />
<br />
When I do walk, I walk fast, very fast. And I walk loud, very loud. Stomping along purposefully with places to go and things to do, constantly scanning the ground in front of me for potholes, uneven bricks and other accidental booby traps waiting to twist my ankle.</div>
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But that all changed when I moved to the heart of downtown Salem where I am walking distance to pretty much everything. And just as you see more of a community running than driving, you see even more walking. And the slower you go, the more you see.</div>
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So I took a walk, or more like an amble. Not to do an errand. Not a speed walk for exercise. A walk for the sake of taking a walk, strolling along as I considered the words to the Beatles song <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">there are places I remember all my life, though some have changed.</i></div>
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Here is just some of what I saw.</div>
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Kids playing. Dogs walking. Fitness Walking. Outdoor fitness classes. Teens playing hoop. A large group of hula hoopers. A gold hoop earring someone is missing.</div>
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The Friendship at the Wharf. Tourists taking photos of the Friendship. Friends having coffee.</div>
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Cars circling for parking spots. Cars being ticketed. Cars parking at the garage. A painting on the parking garage. Painted electrical boxes. A man boxing shadows on the common.</div>
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Outdoor seating. Outdoor dining. Outdoor music. Haunted music. Hawkers.</div>
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A wedding, man and women. Another wedding, woman and woman.</div>
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Long time businesses thriving. Long time businesses out of business. New shops. Lots of shoppers.</div>
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Foreign visitors. Foreign languages. Out of state license plates. Stately homes. Multiple Nathaniel Hawthorne homes. Haunted houses trying to steal my soul. Preachers trying to save my soul.</div>
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Young love, old love. This city I love.</div>
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Tourists asking directions. Drivers not using directionals. Walkers not looking as they wander along in the street. Brakes slamming. Lots of swearing.</div>
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Trees changing colors. Trees I climbed. Trees that hung innocent victims.</div>
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Places I was bullied. Places I was happy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Memories that made me happy. Memories I wish I could forget. Reminders of things I had totally forgotten about.</div>
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Trolley tours. Walking tours. Walking slowly to try to listen to tours.</div>
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Cemeteries. Injustice. Sadness. Innocent people who were not witches. Real people trying to be witches.</div>
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Kids in costumes. Grown-ups in costumes. Grown-ups who are not really grown up.</div>
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A breathtaking sunset as darkness falls over the “witch” city.<br />
<br />
The train arriving in Salem with its cargo of zombies. So many zombies.</div>
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Maybe running is a better idea after all.</div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-80784673970882145152013-09-26T06:45:00.000-04:002013-09-26T06:45:41.102-04:00Things I Don't Trust<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]-->There are some things I just don’t trust. Here’s a list of a
few of them.
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that my recycling paper and plastic really
gets recycled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust my alarm clock will work when I need to get up
extra early.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust medical advice on the Internet. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust fancy phones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that I will make a connecting flight.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust long range weather forecasts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don't trust short range weather forecasts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that anyone else on the road with me at any
given time is paying attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don't trust that anyone I'm talking to is paying
attention.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust people who use fancy business talk and code
words like “let’s circle back around to that idea”.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust super perky people.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust fat burning anything that does not involve
exercise.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that I’m burning the number of calories the
treadmill says I am. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that the grocery store checkout person will
correctly identify my herbs and vegetables when they ring them in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust foods like bacon and milk that don’t need
refrigeration.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust myself in Coffee Time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that Canadian coins won’t be mixed in with my
change.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that one size will ever fit all, or even most.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust calorie counts on menus.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don't trust that anyone can ever consume a 'serving size'
and actually be full.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that the light will still be green if I follow
that giant truck through the intersection.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that the weather will cooperate with my
outdoor event.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that I’ll be able to open a child proof
bottle.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t trust that
anything is truly free.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that the food I order at a restaurant will
vaguely resemble the photos on the menu.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that anyone in a car sees me when I’m running.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that I will ever be able to comfortably
retire.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that the spam I report really gets reported.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust an email or phone call that says I’ve won
anything, ever.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that any privacy settings actually protect my
privacy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that I can give a Salem tourist accurate
directions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that the ending of any book or movie will ever
feel satisfying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that anything deleted is really deleted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust effusive compliments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t trust that I can fully trust anything.<br />
<br />
And you can trust me on that.</div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-34269034219277208312013-08-27T10:22:00.000-04:002013-08-27T10:22:43.476-04:00Salem Smells
It smells like the seasons. <br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Blossoms bursting through in the spring. Freshly cut grass
and cookouts in the summer. Crunchy, wet leaves in the fall. Snow washed air
and fireplaces in the winter. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
It smells like a work in progress. </div>
Dusty dirt and freshly poured concrete mixed with sweat and
exhaust fumes.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
It smells like food.</div>
Sweat smells of pastry at Ziggy’s and AJ King’s. Coffee
brewing at Jaho’s, Front Street, Dunkin’s and Starbucks. Bacon outside of
Red’s. <br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
It smells like the neighborhoods. </div>
Low tide and periwinkles at Collins Cove. Pizza, popcorn and
Chinese at the Willows. Coffee shops and restaurants downtown. Salty air,
charcoal cooking and incense wafting around Pickering Wharf.
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
It smells bad. </div>
Like skunks and garbage cooking in 90 degree heat waves.<br />
<br />
I think of all this as I follow my sense of smell while I
run through a still sleeping, slightly dark city. <br />
I remember a high school science teacher who once explained that the reason we
smell is because molecules of the substance have lodged themselves in our nasal
cavity, which begged the overused insult “you have farts in your nose!” which I
admit still makes me chuckle. <br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I think about distinct vacation smells- wild rosemary and
thyme bushes in Arizona, moss in Savannah, pastry in Paris, lattes in Rome. I
think about other smells like new babies and wet puppies pretty sure I could
identify all of them blindfolded, as I wonder what a world without scents would
be like. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I huff and puff my way back home thinking I’m the most
creative person in America, if not the world.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
“Did you know Salem smells?” I ask.</div>
<br />
“So do you.” Is the answer. <br />
<br />
And so I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: 76.85pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-13103528866894522492013-08-16T10:59:00.001-04:002013-08-16T10:59:47.891-04:00Don't Ask Me, I Just Live Here
Although I’ve lived in Salem for almost my entire life, I
could possibly be the worst person to ask for directions in the entire city.
Not because I don’t know where things are, but because I reference almost every
new location to places that are long gone. <br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I realized this the other day as I tried to explain to a
friend where a restaurant was with these easy to follow directions: “It’s right
across the street from where Touraine’s use to be. You know, near the old
Bowman’s Bakery that had awesome Swedish noodles every Tuesday.” I’m sure that
was crystal clear considering both places have been gone for some 20+ years
now. <br />
<br />
If you understand my ancient landmark references, you are a long-time resident
like me and don’t need them. But if you truly need directions, you will have no
clue what the heck I’m talking about. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Where is the Salem Welcome Center? “It’s in the old Armory,
you know, the one that burnt to the ground in that big fire. Right across the
street from the place that Natalie Jacobson use to buy all of her clothes, not
too far from where Empire’s use to be.” Where is HMA? “It’s on the other side
of the overpass where that hamburger place was.”<br />
<br />
After a blank stare, most people will simply ask, “Can you just tell me what
street it’s on?”</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
At which point I realize I don’t have the slightest clue.
Who needs to memorize street names when you know where everything is?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only problem is, I can’t explain to
anyone else how to get there. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
My stand by references are: “Where the old Paramount Theatre
use to be”, “Across from the old Daniel & Lowes, you know, where they would
send your cash in a rocket to the 2nd floor and it would magically come back
with correct change” and of course “Near the old Almy’s”.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Included in my totally useless directions have been
referencing the train station to “Where Parker Brother’s was” and telling
someone to meet for a run in the common “Where the popcorn man use to stand-
you know, the one who used real melted butter?” I also caught myself once
explaining the location of Forest River Park by saying “It’s at the end of the
street near that Salem State intersection where Friendly’s use to be, you know,
with the delicious vanilla Fribbles.”</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
At which point it dawns on me that while I don’t know the
exact street addresses of these long gone places, I am clearly still
emotionally connected to them. Which should come as a surprise to absolutely no
one. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Realizing my directions are all based on relics and
memories, I decide I need to get more up to date, and maybe even check out the
street signs in my travels.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
”Do you know where the new Honeydew in Salem will be opening?” I was asked. “On
Canal Street” I stated proudly. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
“You know, near where the old Alyce’s Ice Cream stand use to
be. Boy do I miss that place.”</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Sigh. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-66136092670810545882013-08-13T05:19:00.001-04:002018-05-20T05:25:01.544-04:00The Games People Play<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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For years I ignored them, cursed them, and blocked them; those annoying Facebook alerts about the games my friends were playing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was bombarded with desperate requests to send them lives and help them unlock the next level. Sadly, I may have even judged their game play as an indication of the free time I only wish I had. I was way too busy for that foolishness; way too self-important to flounder away my free time with such frivolousness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m also too curious to for my own good sometimes. </div>
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So of course, I had to see what the fuss was all about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Which is why I haven’t written a column for over a month. </div>
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Who has time to write when the bouncing Candy Crush doll keeps telling me I’ve failed to clear all the jelly? Or when the cute little puppy with the doe eyes is crying to be rescued? How can I possibly break away from the internet to write a blog when my friends are nudging me to make my next move in Words with Friends? </div>
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Oh sure, the games seem simple enough at the start. That’s how they suck you in. ‘This is a piece of cake!’ you think as you ace the early levels, feeling confident you could possibly be the smartest person on Facebook, or maybe even the world. Once you’ve whipped through enough challenges to build up your confidence to an all-time high, they own you.<br />
<br />
The first time you don’t win, you think “hmmph… that’s weird”. But as the levels progress, anyone with the slightest competitive spirit quickly gets sucked in to the point of no return. It doesn’t matter how busy you are, you WILL make time to continue the battle. At some point, you may even realize there are cheat websites and help forums to help you win (not that I’ve used them… I’ve only heard about them). You may even fib about the existence of said websites as you Google “how to win level 47 in Candy Crush”. (Just an example; not me). </div>
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In less than a week, Facebook games went from being a mild curiosity to #1 on my to-do list: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Must make it to the next level of every game before the end of the day. </i>I would obsess over it, and check my phone constantly to be sure it was off because I swear I could hear the mesmerizing sound track to Candy Crush playing.</div>
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I knew it was time for a self-imposed intervention as I sat alone in my dark apartment, face aglow with the light from my phone, as dust bunnies danced around me and dirty dishes and clothes waited to be washed. I was staring at a countdown clock when Doug came home from a late night meeting, assessed the situation and stated the obvious: “What the heck is going on here?”</div>
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I’ll tell you what is going on. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
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Pets are waiting to be rescued, I’m 10 moves behind in Words with Friends and I have all vowels, and I still have 2 minutes and 13 seconds until my next life. And if I didn’t know better, I’d say I was little choked up about it all.<br />
<br />
Wow.<br />
<br />
In those moments when you see the ridiculousness of your actions through someone else’s eyes, you suddenly get it.<br />
And I got it.<br />
<br />
Did I stop playing games? Not entirely, but they are finally falling lower on my TO DO list, and are now comfortably behind eat and sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually I will stop entirely. Or at least try to stop. Or at least think about it.</div>
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But first, does anyone know how to break through level 47 in Candy Crush?<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a></div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-56161723437588377122013-07-04T11:59:00.000-04:002018-05-20T05:25:18.493-04:00Trying to be a Good Citizen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, some straight
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about. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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But I once got a compliment so unique and sincere, I never
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I was called a “good citizen”.</div>
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It came in the form of a thank you note from Jack Welch, retired
CEO of General Electric. “Salem is lucky to have a good citizen like you” he
hand wrote on his personal stationary, following a fundraising event for the
Boys & Girls Club of Greater Salem several years ago.</div>
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Getting a personal note from Jack Welch was pretty awesome,
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copy and framed that one too, hanging it at work to remind me on bad days that
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Being a good citizen is something I never thought about, and something I’ve never
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There are some things you can be “good” at that are pretty straightforward,
such as golfing or crossword puzzles. You either are or you aren’t. When it
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Caring about our community; the whole community, not just your
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Thinking unselfishly about the impact our current actions
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Embracing tourism as a revenue stream for our community. Taking a tour yourself
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Shopping local, eating local, and investing local. Knowing
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selection of local brews. Appreciating the recent emergence of outdoor dining,
and know that if you walk or run by you will usually see at least one person you know. </div>
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Being an educated voter. Voting; even the crappy elections
that don’t seem to make a difference, just in case they do. Voting because
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<br /></div>
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Feeling a connection to where you live more than just a
place you rest in between working. Silently thanking the donors who paid for
the benches you take a rest on. Realizing the name on the plaque was someone
who loved Salem too. <br />
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Saying hello to your neighbors, even if it’s just a nod. Knowing
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Volunteering or donating to the hard working organizations
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Respecting and embracing the diversity that makes Salem the
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professional, from the Salem State University students to Salem’s seniors.
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">And that is pretty awesome</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">
</span>Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-52560184975243195342013-06-27T07:02:00.000-04:002018-05-20T05:27:04.174-04:00I'm Wicked Busy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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How many times and ways can I say it in a day?</div>
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I’m buried.<br />
I’m swamped<br />
I’m out straight.<br />
I’m straight out.</div>
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In two words, I’m busy.<br />
In three words, I’m wicked busy.<br />
<br />
I’m so busy, I rush to bed so I can wake up and start doing stuff again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Looking back, I’ve always been busy. But the ‘stuff’ that I’ve been busy with has changed dramatically over the years. Here are some notable things that I am no longer busy with:<br />
<br />
Writing my first name with the last name of various boys in school I had crushes on to see how it looks.<br />
Scanning my face in the magnifying mirror each morning looking for new pimples.<br />
Making a list of all the plastic surgery I hope to have done one day because I’m so hideous.<br />
Calling people on the phone just to hear them say “hello” then hanging up on them.<br />
Worrying about what people think of me; even people who don’t know me; even people I know, who I don’t even like.<br />
Making sure I don’t ‘step on a crack and break my mother’s back’ walking down the sidewalk.<br />
Making custom designed school book covers out of brown paper bags.<br />
Waiting for the ice cream truck to drive by as I clenched a sweaty dollar bill in a death grip so I wouldn’t lose it before I could buy a Chippedy-Chocolately ice cream.<br />
Crying when I lost my sweaty dollar bill.<br />
Practicing my dance moves in front of a mirror while singing into a hairbrush with black tights on my head to simulate Cher’s flowing long hair.<br />
Trying desperately to fit in, blend in or fade into the crowd.<br />
Looking for pennies on the sidewalk and running down to the corner store to buy penny candy.<br />
Listening to Casey Kasem’s weekly top 40 countdown on the radio with a notepad and pencil, carefully writing each song down to discuss with my friends later.<br />
Trying to swing so high I’d pull the cement footings out of the playground swing set.<br />
Eating full size, real cream Bismarck from Coffee Time Bake Shop (OK, maybe I still do this every now and then…).<br />
Giving myself a home permanent with always disastrous results, then desperately trying to blow dry it straight again.<br />
Wetting and re-drying my hair over and over again until it came out ‘good enough’.<br />
Staying home ‘sick’ because my hair dryer was broken.<br />
Trying to speed tan my face with album covers covered in tin foil.<br />
Competing in a stare down contest with my brother until one of us cries.<br />
Drinking vanilla Fribbles from Friendly’s in between classes at Salem State.<br />
Watching Creature Double Feature on channel 56 Saturday afternoons. <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a><br />
Dousing myself in Love’s Baby Soft cologne.<br />
Covering my canvas sneakers in so many layers of white shoe polish they would crack like cement.<br />
<br /></div>
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This partial list of stuff that was super important to me back then is just scratching the surface. So much so, it is amazing I had any time left over to grow up. The truth is, there are some people who- no matter how full their life is- will squeeze more stuff into the small leftover spaces, like ‘great stuff’ spray foam fills in cracks.<br />
<br />
Clearly, I am one of those people.<br />
And in hindsight, a lot of this really was great stuff.<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-77183479785351662312013-06-07T06:28:00.000-04:002013-06-07T06:28:08.065-04:00Because I Run<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4waIpJySIE4QodHZW3xB5ykZmbjtqiU8PZQa8y602oQG4-2lZoAY_uKVELwNDGZErxL5JDlMuUiudiszmAMBmCVuYH1WWKspVkyg9Ck-L6K1NNzPcXJBcS80J2YpNvEm5AFGDD8zsYCU/s1600/beth+lake+w.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4waIpJySIE4QodHZW3xB5ykZmbjtqiU8PZQa8y602oQG4-2lZoAY_uKVELwNDGZErxL5JDlMuUiudiszmAMBmCVuYH1WWKspVkyg9Ck-L6K1NNzPcXJBcS80J2YpNvEm5AFGDD8zsYCU/s1600/beth+lake+w.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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I feel young.</div>
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I eat dessert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I have super low blood pressure.</div>
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I can withstand the pressures of work. </div>
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I’ve seen gorgeous sunrises and peaceful sunsets.</div>
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I know where the official and ‘unofficial’ dog parks are.</div>
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I’ll probably live a bunch more years than I may even want
to.</div>
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I know which day trash picks up in every neighborhood in
Salem.</div>
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I can process my thoughts on death and dying and validate
living.</div>
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I immediately know which new music I need to add to my
running playlist.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know every pothole that should be filled and every
sidewalk that needs to be fixed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t have to worry if I’ll still fit into my clothes when
I change the closet over for the season.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I realize the houses that don’t shovel are often the same
ones that don’t cut their grass.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know every new business that opens in Salem, and the ones
that sadly leave.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know which side streets speed traps should be posted on.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can imitate the bird calls on the Salem/Marblehead trail.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know which outdoor eating areas still welcome dogs. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can tell when tourist season in Salem is full-on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know I’ll be glad I started once I finally finish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can lift things up that weigh more than me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My legs look 20 years younger than my face.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know what it’s like to set a challenging goal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know how good it feels to achieve it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know what bombs sound like.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know how healing feels. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>strong.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel alive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Because I run.</i></b></div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-31079790871531458462013-06-07T06:26:00.000-04:002013-06-07T06:26:02.691-04:00Missing Barbara<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Barbara was a force to be reckoned with in the office. With her perfectly
coifed white hair and sturdy build, her walk was more of a determined march.
Feisty and fearless, she began her conversations with an emphatic “WELL”,
throwing out her open palms as if she was presenting a gift to you that was
wrapped her in opinion.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like it or not, you knew where you stood with Barbara. She
was too seasoned to deal with what she considered ‘foolishness’ and had no
qualms telling me what she would do differently if she were the manager, which
was pretty much everything. Age did not slow Barbara down, as the stories of
her weekend escapades alone would wear me out. She loved her family, her
friends and her life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Nothing could stop Barbara. Except Cancer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She told me about her diagnosis the same way she talked
about everything, “WELL... they say I only have a few months to live”, then she
moved on to more mundane office issues as I struggled to comprehend the
immensity of what she had just told me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Barbara had Cancer, and she was pissed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She had family to love and trips to take, and Cancer was not
going to mess with her. So she tried to ignore it, which lasted about a week,
as she lost weight and became noticeably jaundiced and fatigued. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The last time I saw Barbara was the day she realized that as
much as she wanted to ignore Cancer, it wasn’t going away. I was on the phone,
and glanced up in time to see her walk by with a look I’ve never seen in her
eyes before: fear. As she hesitantly waved to me, I knew she wouldn’t be coming
back.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not long after, we received an email from her daughter that
‘our Barbara’, feisty and full of life, was resting comfortably in a hospice
and not receiving visitors.<br />
<br />
I was instantly reminded of a phrase I’ve heard before: <i>In those times when
there is nothing you can do, do something anyhow.<br />
</i><br />
So we did. We made a goodbye movie. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The idea struck fear into the heart of our HR Department, as
well the staff who weren’t sure if a goodbye movie was the best idea ever, or the
worst idea ever. But with the blessing of Barbara’s daughter and her mother who
‘couldn’t wait for the premiere’, production began.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the three days it took us to make our video homage, we
learned more about Barbara than we had for the seven years we worked with her.
We learned that it was easier to make a list of things that annoyed her than
things she liked. We learned that she had a strong opinion about everything,
and a comical story for everyone. And we learned that at the end of the day, we
are family. And when one of us is missing, we all feel the loss. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I would outline our step-by-step movie making process, but in the end it speaks
for itself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It speaks of friendship. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It speaks of love. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But most importantly, it speaks of life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If making the movie kept Barbara alive, wrapping it up was
heartbreaking. We sent it off in an email link to her family with a prayer that
it would make it in time, and after two agonizingly silent days we got word
that Barbara had not only watched it, but gave it two big thumbs up. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just a few months after her diagnosis, and a week after we
delivered our movie, Barbara died.<br />
<br />
I still have a hard time writing those words, because when I watch our movie it
feels like she is still here, so much so I can almost hear her telling me how
everything I do is wrong.<br />
<br />
Except for making our goodbye movie, the one thing I’m certain she would agree
I did right. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://youtu.be/F2Lrzz1MXwY">http://youtu.be/F2Lrzz1MXwY</a>.
</div>
Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-38972941542508818432013-05-14T09:27:00.002-04:002018-05-20T05:28:38.265-04:00What Really Happens at 3 a.m. Hillary Clinton’s Presidential campaign famously asked the question “Who do you want answering the phone at 3 a.m.?”<br />
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I can answer the phone. I’m awake anyhow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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When I was a kid, bedtime was my favorite time of day. And if you added a new pair of pajamas to the mix, it was pure euphoria.</div>
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So it seems particularly cruel that I should be denied the simple pleasure of being able to gently close my eyes and transition to a peaceful and restorative sleep. In fact, it hasn’t happened since September 1999.</div>
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While I can no longer wax poetic about how well rested I am or how excited I am to go to sleep, I am an authority of what really happens at 3 a.m.</div>
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First, there is the nightly stress parade that marches through my brain, featuring floats sponsored by “that annoying project at work”, “the marathon bombing” and “people who are sick or dying”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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3 a.m. is a great time to relive the worst days of your life. It’s a fantastic time for analyzing everything stupid you’ve ever said or done, and to make a list of people you haven’t heard from in a long time because they must hate you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is rarely a time to count your blessings or think about how lucky you are, except for being grateful my partner does not snore.</div>
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It’s the perfect time for deep questions: Why am I still here while others are not? Will we ever find a cure for cancer? How did I ever get this old? What is my legacy going to be? Who is going to take care of me when I can’t take care of myself anymore?</div>
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But it’s an even better time for mundane questions: Why does it sound like there is a crying baby outside my bedroom window?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why is it so damn hot in here? Why does the cable company send me messages in the middle of the night that light up the room like the sun?</div>
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At 3 a.m. there are no answers, only endless questions.<br />
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So I listen to talk radio, and wonder who all the nuts are that call at 3 a.m. until I realize they are me with a phone in their hand.<br />
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Then there is the head to toe body analyses that starts with my tongue finding a chip in my front tooth that I become obsessed with. That is, until my attention is diverted by a hangnail that I try to ignore, until I can’t any longer. I keep a nail file next to my bed because this has become normal for me, which makes me sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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Then at last, it happens. My eyes start to feel heavy and talk radio morphs into a lullaby as I doze off peacefully into a deep slumber.</div>
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When I awake, I feel energized, refreshed, and ready to take on the day.</div>
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Until I realize its 3:05 a.m.<br />
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Queue the parade.</div>
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Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8887268588921172378.post-55699242765322992582013-04-23T12:47:00.000-04:002013-04-23T12:47:40.116-04:00I Was There
I was there. <br />
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I should write something. </div>
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I was there at the start when the air was alive with energy
and anticipation. I was there when runners who prepared for months nervously
counted down to the start of the race. I was there when it was a perfect day
for running 26.2 miles, fueled by the energy of the volunteers and spectators
lining the route. I was there when it was uplifting and exhilarating. I was
there when it was a fantastic day to run the 117<sup>th</sup> Boston Marathon. </div>
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I was there when the bombs went off, a few minutes after I
crossed the finish line, just a few dozen yards away. I was there when cheers
of celebration and joy transformed into screams of pain and terror, as
emergency personnel and volunteers protected only by their bright yellow jackets
ran into the smoke and carnage as they simultaneously screamed for us to
evacuate. </div>
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I was there for nearly two hours, stumbling dazed around
Boston as runners and family members desperately searched for each other,
comforted each other, helped each other. And I was there when all but one of
our friends made contact with her family, her glazed and wet eyes foretelling
the unimaginable reality to come. </div>
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I see the faces of those killed, their photos capturing
random, happy moments from their short lives. I was there, in their final
minutes. I wonder if they cheered for me, or caught my eye for just a moment. I
try to understand why some of us are protected by guardian angels, while others
are called to become angels. I question endlessly how an event to celebrate
running could leave spectators without limbs. How an event to celebrate the
human spirit could be a target for violence, hatred and death. I wonder how the
historic Boston Marathon is now followed by the words “Bombing”, “Massacre” and
“Tragedy”. </div>
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I didn’t watch the unending hours of news. I didn’t have to.
I was there, and replay that moment daily. My chest feels like it is being
crushed by the combined weight of guilt, disgust, helplessness and sadness; so
much sadness. </div>
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I didn’t save newspapers about the event. I didn’t attend
the remembrance, memorial service or group run I was invited to. I should have,
but I didn’t. I couldn’t. </div>
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Because I’m trying the best I can to be here, not there.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">But I was there, and I should write something. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
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</span>Salem With Bethhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615614827566203522noreply@blogger.com2